Let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace…the prisoner that it really frees is you. -Matthew West, “Forgiveness”

Divorce is a scary place. You’re vulnerable, going through so many emotions…one day you’re super happy…one day you’re sad…and one day you’re raging mad. I get it, I’ve been there. When my husband left me, I was shattered. My heart was out on the floor, I was so mad that he abandoned my 4 year old and 3 month old…mad that he left me to do this alone. I was sad about all of the memories we had together (as we had been together since we were 19.) I was absolutely sick at what he had done. Choosing to forgive him wasn’t easy. It was like a library book that I had to check out over and over again. But now that I have forgiven him, I feel free. I understand your feelings. “Forgive? No way!”… but God commands us to forgive.

Forgiveness is the key to healing.

Let me explain myself here. This doesn’t mean that your ex gets to get off the hook for doing what they did to you. It doesn’t mean that what happened is okay. It doesn’t mean you have to trust them again. Forgiveness is about you and your relationship with God.

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18: 23-35) is a good example of how God wants us to forgive. He forgave us, so he wants us to forgive in the same way.

²³ “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. ²⁵ Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

²⁶ “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ ²⁷ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸ “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.^[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

²⁹ “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

³⁰ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹ When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

³² “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Forgiveness is about getting your heart right with God. Even if your ex isn’t sorry for what they did, don’t put off forgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness, it blocks your relationship with God, it’s an emotional prison. It eats at you, it hurts relationships with others, and it’s just a road of misery. As I quoted Matthew West’s song “Forgiveness” above, if you choose grace just as God has chosen grace for us every day, you will be freed.

In my case, I chose to forgive my ex pretty early on in my healing journey. It was about 3 months in. There is no timeline to healing. Don’t let people make you feel like you’ve gone to fast or you’re going too slow. Don’t forget to give yourself grace as well. I have to say that once I forgave, it set me free. I am not bitter towards my ex any longer, I am actually happy…and ultimately ready to move on. Don’t let the evil one ruin your life. Forgive as He has done for you.

P.S…watch/listen to this song ❤ You won’t regret it!

**NOTE: You’ll probably hear me talk about Matthew West a lot. His music is so good, and has brought me through some of the toughest stuff in my life. It’s funny…any time in my life that tough stuff has gone on, I always hear Matthew West again.**