This is me.

I have been through hell and back in the past year. Life got really really crappy. And then it became amazing. Then…it got crappy again. Now…it’s becoming amazing again. In the past year, I have been hurt by not only my ex-husband…but also myself. Getting back to God has been a journey…and now I feel like I have the strongest relationship that I have ever had with Him. It hasn’t all been a walk in the park.

I came back to God in June of 2015. It was right after my ex left our family. I was broken. I needed a savior (let’s face it, I still do and always will!) and so I visited a church. There I fell in love with Jesus once again. Things were great. I was healing and everything was wonderful…and then I made some bad decisions. It’s something I wish that I could take back. I wish I could go back and that the outcome would have turned out differently… but in the end…what happened, happened. I can pray over and over for a redo, but if God isn’t wanting it…then I have to accept that. I am not going to get too far into the details, because that’s not the point of this.

My biggest problem is that I was trying to find my worth in another person. That couldn’t have been more wrong.

One thing I have learned is that when you become a Christian or come back to Christianity, that doesn’t make you a perfect person. Nobody can be perfect except for Jesus himself. We all do things that are not ok in the eyes of the Lord. You know what though? He has SO much grace for us. This doesn’t mean you should go out and do bad things and then just ask God for forgiveness later. It doesn’t work that way. We should strive to be like Him in all that we do…but we are human and make mistakes. I know He forgives me for what happened…and therefore, I have been working on me. I am working on being a better person so I can pour out into the people around me…because that’s truly what I believe my calling is.

People always tell me how strong I am. They always wonder how I am doing it alone, or how I am getting through the days. The answer is plain and simple. God. If it weren’t for Him, I don’t know where I would be or what I would be doing. He is the reason that I breathe and the very reason I wake up every single morning. My strength comes from Him. My worth comes from Him. I have no other explanation for it. I used to think that that answer was absolutely crazy. So many bad things have happened in my life to where I questioned God and who He was…without really realizing that he was there for me the whole time. My friend shared this awesome song with me by Morgan Harper Nichols yesterday, and it explains my life so much.

“The mountain where I climbed. The Valley where I fell. You were there all
along. That’s the story I’ll tell. You brought the pieces together. Made me this
storyteller.”

So what is my point to all of this? My point is that I am not perfect. We are all broken. The cool thing is that this is how the light gets through the cracks. Once that happens…you can pour into others and live out His will. I have learned that my worth does not come from any other person or thing. It comes from God and once I realized that, I am TRULY becoming the happiest person that I have ever been in my life. I know it’s His work, because I never could have gotten here alone. You are not alone. Your worth doesn’t come from other people. It doesn’t come from your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, etc. Let him wrap his arms around you.

This is me. Stronger than I ever have been. And I owe it all to Him. In turn, I am falling in love with myself…and that’s something I have never done.

She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future.
Proverbs 31:25