Here I sit in my bed, it’s about 11:30pm the night before my divorce. It’s the night before d-day….and I can’t believe I have the biggest smile on my face.

The last 7 months have been the biggest growth time for me in my life. On that day that my husband left, I thought I was going to die. It felt like my heart was ripped out, thrown on the ground and stomped on. What were we going to do? I was now a single mom to a 4 year old with high functioning autism and a 3 month old baby. I was lost. I thought I had ruined my marriage. I now had to survive on my income. I thought it was all my fault…

…and that’s when I found God again.

2 weeks after he left, I was in desperation mode. I logged onto the computer, went to google and typed in “Churches in ______, TX.” The first link caught my eye, so I clicked on it. Their tagline was “Helping People Heal from Life’s Hurts.” and their message series that week was “Reframe my View” with a photo of a person holding a camera. I thought…I am a photographer…and I am dealing with some really big life’s hurts. This looks like the place for me! I attended my first service, and that day I got baptized. I knew right then and there I wanted to make God the center of my life. It hasn’t been smooth sailing, I have made a few mistakes that I wish that could be undone, but I am so glad to have God back in my life after so long. Going to this church was one of the best decisions I could have made for not only myself, but for my children as well. Church feels like home. Like a family. I am so thankful.

Over the last 7 months, I have also learned so much about myself. I didn’t realize I was actually very depressed…and that I didn’t know who I was. Before he left, I never cared about how I looked, how I dressed…I didn’t like to put effort into my makeup or hair…and couldn’t remember when I showered last. Now that he’s gone, I am putting makeup on again. I am doing my hair, caring about my appearance…(and yes, I shower now…lol) I am cultivating a relationship with Jesus, and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I am learning more and more about my likes, dislikes…and becoming the woman that I strive to be. Through Christ, I can do all things. Including learning about me and growing in Him.

Another thing I have learned is that that I am so ready to move on. I am ready to give my love to another man when the time comes, but will guard my heart in the mean time. God has my heart, and he knows where it needs to go. He knows the desires of my heart, and His plan trumps all. I am not going to rush anything. Things will happen when they’re supposed to, and I am ok with that.

Finally, I have learned that what happened is NOT all my fault. Sure, I could have been a better wife, I think all of us wives could be in some areas…but what my husband chose to do does not have anything to do with me. And I know that. I have chosen to forgive him, because forgiveness was the turning point in my own healing. (more on that will come later 🙂 )

So here I sit. With a stupid smile on my face. Because I am stupidly excited about the future. He makes things beautiful in it’s time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)…and I am so excited to see what God does with my life. Life is beautiful, and you can choose to have bad things consume it…or you can give it all to Him and LET GO. I am choosing to let GO and let GOD.